Oh, yes. I don’t know if the pandemic is almost over but man… an awful lot is outside already. Yup, not just here but also in the tropical countries. And yes, they seem to have missed the beaches.
Okay, not I know what you’re thinking… In the movies, when a couple has sex on the beach, it’s always spontaneous, romantic, almost magical. But let’s be real, if you try to do that, you’ll likely end up with sand where it’s not supposed to be—and not much else. That doesn’t mean you can’t have beach sex, it just means you need to prepare before you take the plunge. So here… something that you might want to keep in mind before you go humping in the sand.
1. Make sure it’s legal.
Nothing destroys a party faster than being arrested (real handcuffs are way less sexy than furry ones, after all). So, before you have your romp in the hay, make sure you understand the regulations of having sex in public. Yes, having sex in a semi-forbidden location is a significant part of what makes it so appealing, but it’s not worth a criminal record. Oh, and before you do your dirty work, you’ll need to undertake some reconnaissance, just like a seasoned bank robber. Look for natural protection from inquisitive eyes and sand-carrying wind gusts. It’s also a good idea to be aware of when high and low tides arrive at your chosen place of crime.
2. Find an isolated and private beach.
This may seem obvious, but if you’re thinking about doing a quickie on a popular beach, don’t. The more remote you are, the better, so you can really let loose while avoiding anyone passing by. Depending on where you live, you may have to wait until dusk for the beach to clear out, but nothing beats making love in the moonlight, right?
Because of the darkness and the fact that there is generally no one around, nighttime is probably the easiest time (it’s also the only time you can go completely naked on most American beaches). But if you find yourself at the beach in the middle of the day, overheated and annoyed by something other than the sun, you have another option: location scouting. Look for a stretch of sand that is both secluded (duh) and, ideally, only accessible through one entry (so that you can see who is coming).
3. Be prepared.
You want to be spontaneous, we get it. But you should also be prepared like an Eagle Scout.
a. Bring a Towel
When it comes to beach sex, there’s no space for spontaneity, and because you can’t just plop down anywhere and get down to your dirty business in full view of the swooping seagulls, you’ll need to cover the ground. It goes without saying that sand + genitals equal an irritating, unsexy experience for everyone.
b. Bring Another Towel
This extra towel is for when you have a bunch of folks sunning themselves a few hundred yards down the beach. It’s also another towel you can use to dry up after your post-coital cleanup swim.
c. Extra lube
While your favorite lube isn’t required, if you know it makes sex more enjoyable for you, bring it. Also, don’t use sunscreen as a lubricant because it might promote infection or cause latex condoms to crumble.
4. Wear something that is simple and easy to remove.
You want to choose an outfit that’s sexy, sure, but you also want it to be functional because, duh. We recommend stretchy shorts or a sundress or kimono for her. Oh, and to prevent insect bites, you should also consider wearing some bug repellent, too.
5. Set the mood, set the scene.
Keep your socks and covered shoes on until you’re sitting on your sand-proof blanket once you’ve chosen the perfect area. You won’t track sand into your allotted area this way, as you would with sandals. Simply relax for a moment after you’ve settled in, taking in the surroundings and each other.
6. Keep ‘Foreplay’ in mind.
You don’t have to settle for a quickie just because you’re enjoying beach sex. Instead, use the tiny towel to cover yourself and your sexual partner while you explore each other’s bodies. Work in some nasty talk if that’s your thing. Allow your imagination to run wild and your hands to wander, whatever you’re into.
7. Make it Fast, but Make it Count.
You and your partner may be in a hurry to get out of this scenario with your dignity intact, so you won’t have time for the most efficient foreplay. However, if your privacy permits, you should be aware to take in the sound of the surf and the sea breeze while you’re at it because it’s not every day that you can get busy on the beach.
8. Don’t panic.
This is when the small towel comes in helpful. When you spot someone approaching, make sure you’re protected and act as casually as possible given the, um, scenario. Stop having oral sex and instead put your head on your partner’s tummy or thighs. Stop thrusting and cuddle instead if you’re having intercourse. No one will be the wiser…
10. Stop immediately if you get sand in your genitals.
You’ve taken enough precautions that this shouldn’t happen, but if it does, don’t worry. Just stop the second you’re uncomfortable and rinse off in the water. I mean, that’s literally what it’s there for…
There are a few steps you can take to avoid sand crotch. Bring a large towel or beach blanket that will comfortably fit both of you. Better yet, dress up like a family with a baby and bring one of those movable beach cabanas that provide maximum coverage.
11. When you are done, take a dip.
This is the most basic bit of advice, but it bears repeating: the quickest way to clean up afterward is to run into a lake or the ocean. Just make sure the surf isn’t too rough before jumping in, then clean off with a dry towel. If cooling off in the ocean is not safe, you can take a cool shower together at home. However, if you both want to have more sex on the beach, remember to return to dry land because sex in the sea is never as appealing as it sounds.
