Readers, by now, you should know, based on the pictures you see (and sometimes, videos you watch) here that there are different kinds of downstairs. Yup, much like how we, men, differ in shapes, sizes, head to stem ratio, etc. There are a lot. And almost no one is like the other. Yup, like goddamn fingerprints… Oh, but these treasures are only classified into 5 types. Yup, 5! And no, there’s no horizontal pussy (please).
So for those of you who (still) don’t know these types of ‘source of joy’, here…
Oh, by the way. This research and observation are according to a former bikini waxer by the name of Mel. Surname withheld so as to protect the identity of her clients. So yeah, where were we? Ah yes, let us look into Mel’s classification of vaginas based on hundreds she has seen in her line of work.
1. Ms. Barbie
Many think that a vagina whose inner lips are completely tucked inside the outer lips (the labia majora cover the labia minora) is the normal shape, but no. In fact, only a few have this form of vagina. But because they thought that this is the most beautiful form (and the purest, most untouched form at that), many celebrities are spending a fortune to get a ‘designer vagina’. Those who have it, lucky for you (though they’re still the same as the others). But to those who don’t, heck they spend a lot… Yeah, a lot.
You see, there are two ways to achieve this look. And both of them are costly. The non-surgical vaginal rejuvenation starts at 1,700 USD for one treatment. It is a 15-30 minutes procedure that involves lasering of the vaginal passage. It takes three sessions for good results to manifest. The second is labiaplasty (Yup, we’ve discussed that before) where the excess tissue from the labia is surgically removed. The procedure cost at least 5,600 USD and usually takes around 90 minutes to perform.
2. Ms. Puffs
This one is similar to Ms. Barbie only that the outer lips (labia majora) sit much lower on the pubic bone (with the labia minora also tucked inside). The name suggests that the surrounding area can either be full and puffed up or thin and loose. Many of us think that the position of the lower lip is related to age or weight, but Mel says there is really no correlation.
3. Ms. Curtains
Now, this one is the most common form. In Ms. Curtains, the labia minora peek out from in between the labia majora just like curtains. About half of the female population has a longer labia minora than the outer labia majora. While some people think that everything tucked in is normal, Mel says it doesn’t have to be entirely proportional.
“Your vagina is perfect. It’s just like a curtain. You wouldn’t hate your house if it had ugly curtains.” – Mel
4. Ms. Tulip
Now this one is called such because it looks like a tulip about to bloom. This shape has a labia minora that are slightly visible throughout the entire length of the labia majora. This is a more tucked-in version of Ms. Curtains since the labia minora are not exactly hanging out of the labia majora.
5. Ms. Horseshoe
This is the type where the opening is wider at the top. The labia minora is slightly revealed but closed at the bottom by the labia majora. This form makes the labia majora look curved. Yup, very much like a horseshoe.
So there. We’re done. Now if you’re a girl reading this, please… Please don’t feel insecure for not having a Ms. Barbie type of pussy. It’s not important really. It’s a misconception on (vaginal) beauty. All vaginas are equally beautiful. Believe us. And they’re all important. As long as you don’t itch, has a foul discharge, or smell like a day old onion downstairs… You are okay.
Now, let’s take care of the V, shall we? Next time, we’ll tell you how to pleasure (eat) that pussy properly.