Oh, yes! The 69 position… The safest to not get your girlfriend pregnant and yes, most of you did this back in high school. Admit it! When your girlfriend doesn’t want to give up her virginity yet and/or you can’t find a condom anywhere. But now, there’s more to this position than just letting off steam from your crotch. Yup, it has become an expression of true love. That or you just want to really convince someone how passionate you are and how much of a give and take you’d want from that relationship. May it be fuck buddies or boyfriend girlfriend.
Okay, but there are also those who are not comfortable with the idea of you know. We’ll get to that later. First, let’s focus on those who love it, and let’s give them tips on how they can improve their 69ing.
You all know what the 69 position is… But just to make it clear, it is typically depicted as one partner lying flat on their back while the other lies on top of them, facing the opposite direction, so the partners are positioned mouth to genitals. This allows for simultaneous oral sex. It can also be done with partners lying on their sides. Yum. Especially if Ana Lucia is the one you’re doing it to.
So what are the basics? You know that. But just to remind those who have forgotten the importance of good foreplay… Have your partner lie down, flat on their back. Then climb on top (or let your partner), so you’re facing away from your partner. Your junk should be lined up with your partner’s mouth, and their genitals should be lined up with yours. Alternatively, try it in a side-by-side position.
Now, how to err make it more passionate…
1. Why so serious? Chill!
The trick to 69ing like a pro is to have fun with it. Keep it relaxed and sensual. For example… ladies, have your partner lie on the bed so that his head’s hanging slightly over the edge. Stand on the floor over him, and as you kiss and massage his upper half, slowly crawl your way down his body until you’re both in position. And vice versa!
2. Don’t just use your mouth.
Don’t forget: There’s plenty more body to explore as you’re going down on each other. Not only can your hands pleasure the other hot spots surrounding his nether regions—such as his testicles and perineum—but they can also be put to good use when your mouth needs a breather.
3. Turn it into a sensual experience.
Sensate focus exercises, which require couples to focus on the sensation of being touched, are often used to help people reconnect in the bedroom.
The gist of it is that by focusing on how it feels to be touched in certain ways, the pair has a better understanding of what turns them on, ultimately leading to better sex. Put the concept to use during 69 by focusing deeply on what it feels like to touch and be touched. Take a moment to trace your partner’s spine, or the curve of their butt, instead of just going after it.
4. Use a toy.
“Giving cunnilingus in this position can be awkward,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First and Passionista, no matter how many pillows are involved. Keep a small vibrator handy or tell your partner to stimulate the vulva in addition to tongue action, he suggests.
Internal sex toys could also maximize pleasure for two vulva-owning partners. And if you’re multi-orgasmic, it’s okay to take breaks, slow things down, or provide a different rhythm of stimulation to adjust to your partner’s post-orgasmic sensitivity.
5. A dildo might come in handy.
A dildo can also work wonders. Using dildos or internal vibrators can provide a kind of penetrative pleasure that fingers or tongues can’t give in 69. It can also help if you or are your partner are feeling a little tired.
6. Take breaks.
Yes, it can be hard to focus on your own orgasm as you’re trying to please your partner. If the distraction is seriously interfering with your O game, feel free to take some breaks here and there. Think intervals, not a marathon!
7. To the left, to the left
If you’re planning to make the 69 position your main event, the most comfortable way to do so would be for both of you to lie on your side. You won’t have to worry about muscle strain or limbs landing where they shouldn’t, and you can use each other’s thighs as a pillow to keep neck pain to a minimum.
8. Switch it up, orally.
Don’t get stuck in a rut with your oral sex skills. In this context, go-to moves are not your friend. Go slow, go fast, go in circles, go in long strokes, change up the pressure and suction—try and create a unique experience every time. Also important? Having fun with it. The hottest blow job is when the woman is really enjoying the sensations from the blow job herself. Same with eating her out.
9. Play with pressures.
Orgasm doesn’t need to be the goal of 69. Taking the pressure off of it allows the position to be fun and playful. It might be a position that you warm up in and move to another position for orgasm.
For more tips on how to pleasure orally, do check out this and this. You’re welcome.
And now, for those who don’t want it.
Yup, believe it or believe it but there are those who don’t even want to think about it. I don’t know, maybe a bad experience from the past or something. But hey, it’s your duty, as a partner, to ignite the fires of pleasures once again. You don’t have to use much persuasive power. Just ask her (or him) to try it out once more and assure them that they will like it or if not, you’d just stop.
If they still need a little convincing, maybe this will help. Yup, we’re going to talk about the alibis or the complains that they would usually give you.
1. It doesn’t feel intimate
You’ve got someone’s genitals in your mouth… in my honest opinion, that’s some pretty intimate business. So, if it’s in your head that 69ing is as intimate as speculum insertion, consider how you’re approaching it.
As pleasure-based sex educator and sex-positivity advocate Lateef Taylor says, “69ing is not a position in a football game. If you’re getting into the position mechanically, of course it’s going to feel un-intimate.”
Instead, Taylor’s advice starts with creating a mood. Make sure you’re in an atmosphere of intimacy before arranging your bodies like freaky digits. Start with kissing, make eye contact, fondle each other, and maybe start in missionary oral before one person does a 180 with their body. You might not easily get eye contact with 69ing, but there are other ways to create that intimacy with words and sounds. Moaning gives you the extra benefit of mouth-made vibration on your genitals.
2. Afraid of heights
Some height combos won’t work. If someone is 4′11″ and their partner 6′2″, the classic 69 isn’t going to work. Still, there are ways to make it work as long as you’re not committed to making that very specific 69 shapes.
Having the taller partner be on the bottom and stack pillows, blankets, or a sex wedge under their hips can help contort their body so that their junk is in reach of the shorter partner’s mouth. You can also try sidecar 69. This position turns both partners on their sides, allowing the taller partner to bend their body to make their genital more accessible to the shorter partner.
Another option: Incorporate a toy with a long-ass handle (and lube) like the Magic Wand or Le Wand Petite, which is less bulky. And if your bits are still not aligned, no matter how much you try to make it work, why not have one partner use an oral sex stimulator on themselves as they give their partner head?
3. Size, size, size
Body-positive sex educator Carly S with The Pleasure Chest has got a PSA for bigger-bodied folks: “Mutual oral is absolutely available to you and your partner(s) if you want it to be.”
Her biggest piece of advice? Embrace pleasure products as pleasure enhancers.
For instance, she’s a fan of using a positioning chair, like this one on Amazon. “I’m a plus-sized person and have some knee problems (unrelated to my weight). When I’m the partner on top while 69ing, sitting on this chair over my partner’s face can help support my body weight and take some of the strain off my knees,” she says. “And the straps help keep my thighs open to give my partner better access to my bits.”
If not, she says you might try a sex swing or sex sling. “The bigger-bodied person can sit in the swing, which will help spread their thighs, and their partner can kneel between their legs and lick. It can make giving and receiving oral so much fun.” She suggests this one.
Other props can come to play too. Oral-sex stimulators like the Fleshlight Quick Shot or the Svakom Cookie can help mimic the sensation of receiving head, she says.
4. Of course, the anxiety
Anxiety is basically the antithesis of pleasure, no matter the position. And while you should never feel pressured to try any position that makes you anxious, if you enjoy both receiving and giving oral, Finn encourages you to do two things:
First, talk to your partner about your nerves. The simple act of speaking up can help ease your fears. Hey, partners who troubleshoot anxiety together stay together.
Second, think through where your feelings are coming from. Is it because you’re self-conscious about your genitals?
If your anxiety is centered on the rest of your body, leave your shirt on! Heck, leave your sweats on too. The sensation of a nose and mouth in and around your genitals can be hot even if there is a fabric barrier. Better yet, opt for the material that will enhance the feeling of touch and tongue, like silk, satin, or cotton.
5. Focus on focus
Your partner is sooo good at giving oral that you lose your wits when giving it to them? Nope, should not work that way.
Hearing and feeling someone lose control because of how good you’re making them feel is always hot and that includes when they’re also giving you head. Yep, your distraction doubles as sexy reinforcement.
Most people can’t focus on giving when they’re about to come, but that’s why having a sex toy and lube in reach can be helpful.
6. Sanitary
If you and your partner shower beforehand or use a wet wipe, you really don’t have to worry about poop residue being around the entrance of the anus. Poop lives higher up in the rectum, so if you’re just licking and playing with the opening, it’s not going to be an issue.
The entrance of the anus has a lot of nerve endings, so alternating between oral and analingus can be incredibly pleasurable. Or, while you’re licking your partner’s genitals, apply a dab of lube onto your fingertip or use saliva and trace their sphincter muscle with the pad of your fingertip, she suggests. Safety tip: If you have long fingernails, don a latex glove to help dull the nail’s edge.
For people who don’t love rimming, inserting a butt plug before getting into the 69 position can offer a similar sensation.
7. Not as good as the other positions
69ing doesn’t have to *just* be about licking. And it’s okay if it’s not your favorite nor will it be. But…
If you know your partner likes having their G-spot stimulated, perineum stimulated, or back of the knee touched, incorporate those moves into 69ing. Nipple tweaking, tush squeezing, and anal fingering are also up for grabs here.